One of the main underlying obsessions of Christianity is upholding unexamined, indefinable belief within something that cannot be experienced within the material world. For Judaism, moral behavior was more important than meditating on one's state of perfection in forcing belief in a number of unprovable tenets. Even Islam thought that the Christian obsession with belief promoted self-indulgence by having people think linearly and selfishly about the reality that is far beyond themselves.
Essentially, Christianity is a very boisterous religion in that its beliefs superimpose themselves over the mystery of the metaphysical. We always hear Christians insist that certain things are inerrant even though they were invented by someone that was very fallible. Yet, Christians will resist that knowledge by shrugging it off as something heretical or bothersome then they'll refocus on attaining perfect belief within something completely intangible and far from the realm of the material and experiential.
Christianity relies on certain legalistic measures because belief alone is very insecure. Many times, Christians will judge someone's worth or christian character by something as arbitrary as perfect attendance at religious services which do nothing but incite anger or discontent with one's self. My experience with church has made me feel maddened and very selfish. It felt like I had to transcend the limits of human understanding as if I need to equip myself with arrogance when it came to feigning belief in certain doctrinal things that are largely unproven.
The charity that many churches promoted in my life was something that was accompanied with a sanctimonious attitude. Ministering to people was more important than merely helping people. Missionaries commonly would be meritorious for successfully converting people rather than merely providing aid to people. This type of help almost buffers a person's ethnocentric views of other cultures. Commonly, in the history of missionaries, the white person would appear saintly to indigenous people and proselytize to these people as immoral or inferior because they do not know the joys of either being white and Christian. So now, these people have to learn the customs of white culture including the superior religion of Christianity. Morality is not enough because now the person has to don the clothing of unexamined belief within something that has not been rationally proven by anyone.
Throughout history, we've seen this same condescending attitude shown to the Jews. Christianity has looked as Judaism as being the obstreperous older sibling that was did not worship the monotheistic God in the right manner. Therefore, Christianity serves as a way to prove to Judaism that they got it all wrong. Moral character is not the most important measure because belief beyond our human boundaries is imperative to entering heaven. Except "Christian belief" often allows people to easily become very conceited. It educates people that they are endowed with more worth than others merely because they can feign perfect belief within a litany of different doctrines about a reality beyond ourselves.
As an agnostic, I feel continuously judged by Christians because they think my status is woeful. I often get a sign of regret as if I haven't been transformed in the right way or have lost my respect. It is bothersome because it makes me wonder whether I was really loved for "me" or the facade of Christian belief. By lying about my undoubted Christian identity for years, I could be falsely loved and appreciated. But questioning God or the idea of the trinity has led people to see me as a downcast or being inflicted by some pernicious, satanic force that has sadly caused me to be dangerously inquisitive.
In the end, it has only strengthened my view that my Christian belief was never authentic, it was fashioned by social pressure. Also, history had led me to believe Christianity is largely unremarkable. Thousands of different faiths came before Christianity and people perfected their own moral views without the luxury of Christian belief. Christianity is not truly invested in morality because in the end, the greater importance having unexamined belief in different doctrines. It will take me a long time to return to Christianity or any religion at this point. I honestly feel more healthy ever since leaving Christianity and more willing to be empathetic. More importantly, I am finally freed from a life of lies and deceit. In some ways, Christianity made me commit the daily sin of lying because it forced me lie in order to remain with the disputatious flock of Christians. Otherwise, I am unaccepted because Christianity cared nothing about my true identity that was not masked with the illusion of belief.
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