One of the main underlying obsessions of Christianity is upholding unexamined, indefinable belief within something that cannot be experienced within the material world. For Judaism, moral behavior was more important than meditating on one's state of perfection in forcing belief in a number of unprovable tenets. Even Islam thought that the Christian obsession with belief promoted self-indulgence by having people think linearly and selfishly about the reality that is far beyond themselves.
Essentially, Christianity is a very boisterous religion in that its beliefs superimpose themselves over the mystery of the metaphysical. We always hear Christians insist that certain things are inerrant even though they were invented by someone that was very fallible. Yet, Christians will resist that knowledge by shrugging it off as something heretical or bothersome then they'll refocus on attaining perfect belief within something completely intangible and far from the realm of the material and experiential.
Christianity relies on certain legalistic measures because belief alone is very insecure. Many times, Christians will judge someone's worth or christian character by something as arbitrary as perfect attendance at religious services which do nothing but incite anger or discontent with one's self. My experience with church has made me feel maddened and very selfish. It felt like I had to transcend the limits of human understanding as if I need to equip myself with arrogance when it came to feigning belief in certain doctrinal things that are largely unproven.
The charity that many churches promoted in my life was something that was accompanied with a sanctimonious attitude. Ministering to people was more important than merely helping people. Missionaries commonly would be meritorious for successfully converting people rather than merely providing aid to people. This type of help almost buffers a person's ethnocentric views of other cultures. Commonly, in the history of missionaries, the white person would appear saintly to indigenous people and proselytize to these people as immoral or inferior because they do not know the joys of either being white and Christian. So now, these people have to learn the customs of white culture including the superior religion of Christianity. Morality is not enough because now the person has to don the clothing of unexamined belief within something that has not been rationally proven by anyone.
Throughout history, we've seen this same condescending attitude shown to the Jews. Christianity has looked as Judaism as being the obstreperous older sibling that was did not worship the monotheistic God in the right manner. Therefore, Christianity serves as a way to prove to Judaism that they got it all wrong. Moral character is not the most important measure because belief beyond our human boundaries is imperative to entering heaven. Except "Christian belief" often allows people to easily become very conceited. It educates people that they are endowed with more worth than others merely because they can feign perfect belief within a litany of different doctrines about a reality beyond ourselves.
As an agnostic, I feel continuously judged by Christians because they think my status is woeful. I often get a sign of regret as if I haven't been transformed in the right way or have lost my respect. It is bothersome because it makes me wonder whether I was really loved for "me" or the facade of Christian belief. By lying about my undoubted Christian identity for years, I could be falsely loved and appreciated. But questioning God or the idea of the trinity has led people to see me as a downcast or being inflicted by some pernicious, satanic force that has sadly caused me to be dangerously inquisitive.
In the end, it has only strengthened my view that my Christian belief was never authentic, it was fashioned by social pressure. Also, history had led me to believe Christianity is largely unremarkable. Thousands of different faiths came before Christianity and people perfected their own moral views without the luxury of Christian belief. Christianity is not truly invested in morality because in the end, the greater importance having unexamined belief in different doctrines. It will take me a long time to return to Christianity or any religion at this point. I honestly feel more healthy ever since leaving Christianity and more willing to be empathetic. More importantly, I am finally freed from a life of lies and deceit. In some ways, Christianity made me commit the daily sin of lying because it forced me lie in order to remain with the disputatious flock of Christians. Otherwise, I am unaccepted because Christianity cared nothing about my true identity that was not masked with the illusion of belief.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
On the other blog, I am completely dedicating it to posts specifically related to book reviews. Here, I will be post mainly about philosophical, mythological,and religious topics.
Why have I chosen the title "Agnostic Inner Sanctum?" I believe that God is unfathomable on this Earth therefore I took the only rational option available for anyone who is bursting with too many questions that religion forbids to answer. I decided to embark on my intellectual journey even if many people misunderstand my intent behind it.
Many people have degraded the idea of religion to be focused entirely on the idea of belief. In order to rationally accept my inquisitiveness, I had to make a personal choice to disband from the whole of Christianity in order to search for individual answers to questions the theology of the multitude of denominations of religions are unable to answer.
On this blog, I will be mainly dealing with the philosophical, mythological, and religious issues that I have major logistical issues with or am interested in finding more about. I cannot handle having all these thoughts pulsate within my mind therefore I had to organize them here in some fashion. On my other blog, things went awry as I started to lose my sense direction on that blog. Originally, it was mainly a book blog until my scrupulous mind could not handle the extreme interest I had on dealing with the big existentialist questions that have pervaded my mind since I was born.
When I was younger, I was always thinking like a small Descartes in that I would always question my reality and the have major philosophical concerns with church because it constrained the eternity of God to some quantifiable limit that we can all understand. Yet, the God which Sunday school offered me felt like an impartial vision. For nearly twenty years, I've honestly felt like I've worshiped a nonexistent God that everyone informed me would permit me to enter heaven. My God forbade me to muse about different things about materialism, duality, and other large philosophical answers. He was malicious and had martial rule over my mind. His tongues were the language of others who required me to comply with their understanding of God whilst I completely denied my own vision along with the doubts as well. Essentially, I was an atheist for nearly twenty years behind closed doors
On here, I am going to be blunt often because as I deal with burdensome philosophical issues, some delicate people are going to become enervated quickly. If you are unable to deal with the uncertainty of the posts on this blog, I ask that you respectfully do not read it as there are countless other blogs where theologians are constantly expounding about different things without any doubt. This blog is meant for me to deal with my doubt healthfully and to help me to establish some sane idea of my inner world that has completely been derided by doubt.
In the end, I still have belief within a God whose understanding supersedes our own. I don't believe within the Christian notion of a God that is gratified by our thoughtless adulation for him. He intended to make us with the same share of complexity that he has within himself therefore I don't believe that he is perturbed by my doubt like some obtuse individuals who seem unable to understand the reality that many of us cognitively deal with the concept of God differently. In the end, as Augustine fully believed, we are all subconsciously aiming towards trying to conceptualize God. Sadly, our efforts to freely figure this God out are often thwarted or trivialized by a structure that imposes upon the joy of philosophically wandering towards God.
Enjoy my new blog and learn to discern past the limitations of the many Tower of Babels!! As the eastern orthodox church, Quakers, and Hindus believe, we all have a part of the divine invisibly embedded within ourselves. In the end, my agnosticism has finally allowed me to have an authentic belief in God. For twenty years, I have pretended to be a Christian but now I'm finally able to become a true believer after really being an atheist for so long.